The John Report: The Raw Deal for Sept. 14/09 (Plus Breaking Point Thoughts)
Welcome to the Raw Deal. I’ve had some people contact me about the popups on Rajah.com. I really don’t have anything to do with that. I just post my column there. I never notice any popups because I’ve got the blockers working in full effect, but if they are a problem for you and you want to read my stuff just go to the The Oratory. It’s on the same server as Rajah’s, but I promise you we have no pop-ups there. It’s a column site only and all my work is posted there just as it is there.
I’ll do the usual rundown of Raw this week with my one of my favorite performers ever as host, Trish Stratus. Before that, though, I’ll give you some thoughts on Breaking Point. I saw it Monday before I saw Raw, so it’s very fresh in my mind.
Some very brief thoughts on Breaking Point
I don’t think the show did very well in terms of viewers. There was a huge NFL game on Sunday night that was close the entire way featuring two popular teams (Bears/Packers), so I doubt this PPV drew a good number. Summerslam, the previous PPV, was the best of the year also, which meant that they had a lot to follow here. I wasn’t expecting that much in terms of great matches because I got the sense that nothing would really be settled here and that everything was going to continue into the next PPV.
Jerishow over Henry/MVP (**) – It was pretty much what I thought it was going to be. What surprised me was Henry was the one to take the pinfall rather than MVP. That’s nice to see. I’m such a huge fan of the Big Show punch out of nowhere.
Kingston over Miz (**1/2) – Nice to see them get just over ten minutes on the PPV stage. Miz got some good offense in even though we all knew Kofi was getting the win, as he should. Obviously this isn’t over.
Legacy over DX (***1/4) – The entrance was great with HHH saying HBK was the one to screw Bret. Of course the truth is originally HHH came up with the idea a few days before the show. It was pretty good, but I thought maybe it went about 5-7 minutes too long. It seemed to drag at times. I liked how it was booked to make Legacy appear to be the smarter team even though their opponents have about 45 years of experience combined. It’s not surprise that HBK was the one to do the tapping, either. The fact that they’re doing the rematch at Hell in a Cell in three weeks will make this match irrelevant since DX is going over to win the feud.
Kane over Khali (-*) – So they had one PPV match, which Kane won. And they did this rematch, which Kane won again. What was the point? Brutal match. End this feud, please.
Christian over Regal (***1/2) – Typical good match from these two like they had on ECW a few weeks back. I’m really itching for Christian to get moved to Raw or Smackdown, preferably Smackdown.
The segment with Ziggler interrupting Patterson was brutal. This was a bad promo mostly because of the dialogue. It sounds more like people in high school talking trash than a pro wrestler. Lucky for WWE, nobody watched this PPV, so it won’t hurt Morrison vs. Ziggler too badly.
Cena over Orton to win the WWE Title (****) – I wasn’t sure how they’d book it. I liked what I saw. They really have done a good job of making Orton a Jake Roberts-like heel. His matches tend to drag a lot and while this one did at times, it wasn’t enough to make me hate it or anything. Cena really performed well too. I know he’s got a lot of haters, but you have to respect the guy for usually having good PPV matches. When I read about the PPV I didn’t know if the handcuff thing would work that well, but in watching it I felt it definitely helped the match. I do think Orton should have held on a bit longer before tapping. He could have grabbed rope first, and then he could tap after Cena pulled him to the middle again. Still, it was the best match of the night.
Punk over Undertaker to retain the World Title (*1/2) – Lame. Uninspiring. Disappointing. Those are my thoughts on this one. They didn’t even get ten minutes mainly because of the DX match going so long and that brutal interview segment. I do like the continuity of mentioning that Hell’s Gate is banned from when Vickie was GM, but redoing the Screwjob finish again is weak. I’m tired of it. The fans are tired of it. I wish the booking team was tired of it.
I thought the show was fine. Not great, but certainly not bad either. I think most WWE PPVs this year have had one or two pretty good matches on every single card. It’s just that as a whole they might not be as memorable as WWE would probably like them to be. I think I’ll remember Breaking Point mainly for the very good Cena/Orton match and for Legacy going over DX rather than the overdone, tired booking of the last match on the card. That ended the show with a whimper more than anything. Call it 6 out of 10 if you want something official.
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Live from Toronto, Ontario here’s the Raw Deal…
I could have went to the show. I’ve seen dozens of shows in Toronto before, but I wasn’t feeling it this week. The only free tickets I could score were second deck, so I chose to just stay home and watch the NFL than go there. I caught Raw on DVR this morning (Tuesday) and didn’t regret my decision in the least.
Batista’s back…kind of
Batista’s out to start the show with arm brace. He begins hinting at retiring when Randy Orton predictably comes out. He basically calls Batista a pussy for wanting to retire, but then Batista tells Randy he knows something that Randy doesn’t. He slid off the arm brace, and then tore his quad attacking Randy. Okay, he didn’t tear the quad, but with Batista you never really know. The big announcement is he’s going to Smackdown. Great. Time to ruin my favorite show. Then Batista told Randy that they’re wrestling later in the night in a No Holds Barred match, which means Cena’s going to interfere. Back to the Smackdown thing. Hopefully they try to come up with an explanation for him just “going” to Smackdown. Was a he a “free agent” or was there a trade? We need something to go with or else it only hurts the credibility of the brand split, which is alright filled with credibility problems.
Following the break we see Toronto’s own Trish Stratus as the guest host. She is, as most of you already know, my favorite woman in wrestling and I think I love her more with the black hair. It brings out the Greek in her. She was looking fine as always. I couldn’t believe the crowd booed when she mentioned Barker! That was disappointing to hear. As much as I love Trish and as loyal as I am to her, she wasn’t great here. It was just okay. Maybe she was nervous, or just rusty. Anyway, she announces that John Cena vs. Randy Orton is happening again at the Hell in a Cell PPV in three weeks. Before we get to the next match, a little Trish tribute is necessary.
To show my love for Trish, a special top five favorite Trish Stratus memories:
5. Strip poker with T&A against the Acolytes. This was in her early days and it was on Heat. Look it up on YouTube (just put “trish stratus strip poker”), you won’t be disappointed.
4. The relationship with Vince McMahon in late 2000/early 2001 made me really notice her as not only incredibly hot, but also as a pretty good actress for a wrestling show.
3. That dress she wore during the Kane/Lita wedding. Oh, the thoughts I had.
2. The heel run starting at WMXX in 2004 and running through 2005 when she got hurt. The initial turn ruled and my personal favorite might have been the curls with the Women’s title during an arm wrestling contest against Christy.
1. The feud with Mickie James. The highlights were plenty with each woman dressing like the other, the kiss under the mistletoe and of course the raunchiness of the WrestleMania 22 match. When Mickie countered Trish’s Stratusfaction by grabbing her privates and then busting out “The Lick” I fell in love with her that night.
Jack “Push-ups” Swagger & The Miz d. Kofi Kingston & Primo “Hey Remember Me!” Colon (*)
The match didn’t even get three minutes, which is obvious for anything involving the US title scene of late. On Smackdown they give IC title matches time. On Raw they barely give attention or time to this belt. Swagger scored the pin on Kingston while Miz grabbed the belt and walked away. I guess the “guy steals the belt” is the angle they’re running with here. As for Primo, he basically did nothing. Way to split up that team. Really done wonders for both guys.
Alicia Fox d. Gail Kim (*)
Good to see Mickie bouncing out there with the “girls” looking like they’re in top form. I wanted to punch Cole for scoring a kiss on the cheek. I would shut his vintage mouth. Then I could shut Mickie’s in a different way. Mmmm Mickie. Oh, the match! I loved how Lillian “Where is the bomb?” Garcia called it a triple threat when it was singles. One more week, Lil! Why would the announcers say that Trish hasn’t been Women’s and Divas champion? How could she hold it when the Divas belt didn’t exist before? Alicia won in about three minute with the Booker T. like axe kick. She’s the number one contender for the belt. That’s nice. She’s greatest wedding planner/wrestler in the history of the business. Tugboat is second. Don’t argue with me on that.
Backstage stuff with Trish getting confronted by Beth and then Jericho. Beth, who is from Buffalo, said Toronto’s a second rate city to get heel heat. There was a huge logic problem here because Trish said she didn’t even know who Bet was even though she brought Beth to WWE to feud with Mickie back in 2006. If I wasn’t obsessed with Trish I might not know that, but I do. This whole thing resulted in Jericho & Beth teaming up against Trish and a partner later in the night. Jericho gave the line of the night by saying he’d take on Bob Barker anytime, anyplace, anywhere. Awesome delivery and timing there. Perfect comedy.
Legacy came out to say they made DX tap out. The idea that nobody made DX came out is true because as a team they never lost via tapout, but Michaels and HHH have each tapped out on their own a number of times. Again, though, it’s that questionable WWE history that we all love. The promos they did were alright although to be honest I was transfixed by whatever the hell was growing on the top of Dibiase’s right here. It really sticks out in HD and it’s not like I’m one to look at dude’s ears. I just couldn’t avoid it.
Shawn Michaels d. Ted Dibiase via DQ (**1/2)
This was the match of the night, which isn’t shocking since HBK was involved and they got about ten minutes. I laughed when Michaels went for something looking like the Sharpshooter and the crowd booed him vociferously. I wasn’t shocked with the DQ ending just as Michaels was about to hit the sweet chin music because the rematch seemed obvious and it’s important to keep both teams strong heading into the next PPV. The funniest moment of the show might have been when they were all brawling and HHH stared into the camera to make sure it was in place while he was with Cody. Then he chucked him right into it as the show went to break. That made me laugh because of how cheesy the whole thing looked. Hunter should have said “are you ready?” just to make sure the camera guy was. We found out later the DX vs. Legacy was booked for the Cell PPV. DX isn’t losing there.
Here’s a video package. You know what this means…
Evan Bourne & Hornswoggle d. Chavo Guerrero & Carlito
Rosa was with Carlito. She did absolutely nothing. Great use of a manager. Guess the finish? Horny pinning Chavo with the splash. How many wins is that in this series with Chavo? I’ve got it unofficially at 83. Somebody else may have the actual number. Chavo said he gives up, Hornswoggle wins. No Chavo, nobody has won this shit week after week. We are all losers. I don’t think the feud is over. Heels lie, especially Chavo. It’ll never end.
Very good Cena promo was next. I know that a lot of my readers hate the guy and some like him, but I’m in the camp of liking him most of the time. What I don’t like are the corny over the top jokes that never seem to work in terms of being funny. This kind of promo works. He said he wouldn’t tap and he was telling the truth. Now he says he’s going to beat Orton in the Cell. I tend to believe him although I wonder what either guy is going to do after. It’s not like they can do another Cena/Orton singles match since they would have done three straight already plus the three way a month prior. I liked how he put over how physical the match would be, but knowing that there won’t be blood or major weapons used does hurt it a bit. Still, Cena’s an excellent promo guy when he’s got good material to work with like he had here.
We found out that DX vs. Legacy was booked for the Cell PPV. DX isn’t losing there.
Trish Stratus, MVP and Mark “Kool-Aid” Henry d. Beth Phoenix & Jerishow (**)
It started out as Trish & MVP vs. Bethicho (yes I came up with that), but it predictably turned into a six person tag. Trish looked to be in fine form here while the crowd was hot for most of it. I love that MVP is getting better reactions now. I swear it’s from working with Jericho. The man can do no wrong with me these days. The funny point in the match came when Beth got tagged in by Jericho, she wanted to fight MVP and instead he just blocked her kick, then tagged in Trish. The guys all brawled out on the floor while Trish worked over Phoenix and nailed the Stratusfaction for the pin.
By the way, Trish’s breasts don’t look the same even with the help of the push up bra. The rumors of the breast reduction might be true. I may be wrong. I don’t know. Any female readers have knowledge on it? I’m not asking dudes. We don’t know. We think we do, but we don’t. The things bras can do confuse me. So hit me up ladies. I need you. It’s important. For the record, my girlfriend is in the “no reduction” pool, but I disagree. I think they’ve changed.
Cedric the Entertainer is guest hosting next week. I went from talking about Trish’s boobs to that guy. What a drop off. I have no problem with him, by the way. Next week is Lillian Garcia’s last show also. Hopefully she screws up some intros on purpose just for the hell of it. That’s what I would do.
Batista d. Randy Orton in a No Holds Barred match (*)
Vintage average feud! He has his typical Batista match doing every one of the same spots while barely selling much. I didn’t miss him that much, to be honest. He and Orton have never had great chemistry even though they probably think they do. Batista dominated the whole time while I again thought he’d get hurt. Isn’t anybody else worried when a guy comes back after three months from an injury that’s supposed to be five or six months? Keep in mind he’s past 40 and has a history of injuries. He’s probably going to get hurt again soon like he always seems to. Poor guy is stubborn about this stuff. Anyway, Orton ran away, Cena met him on the ramp, tossed him back in the ring and Batista hit the Batista Bomb for the win. We never really got the Batista/Cena feud that I thought we’d get. I still say if Batista was healthy he’d have turned heel because that would have been a fresh feud that offered us something different. I never said good. I said different.
Three Stars of the Show
1. Trish Stratus – Her opening promo wasn’t great, but the backstage segment was and her return to the ring was fun. Plus I’m biased. Deal with it.
2. Chris Jericho – He’s in for the line about fighting Barker.
3. Chavo Guerrero – I don’t believe the feud is over, but for putting up with it every week he gets a star here.
Rating: 5.5 (out of 10)
Last week: 6
The Batista move to Smackdown was rumored for a long time since Raw has more main event level guys than Smackdown. I hope Batista turns heel when he gets there. His face act bores the hell out of me. I think he could be a great heel monster if given the chance. I don’t believe he’s a bad performer. I just think it’s hard for the fans to still get behind a babyface that’s bigger than his opponents and continually gets title shots. Let him be a bully. He could shine in that role. And hey, at least it’s different.
The show came off as average to me. All the feuds from Breaking Point continued, so everything felt like a continuation of that. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s just that when you get repetitive you can cause fans to get bored of the product. Aside from the Batista thing, if you missed this show you really missed nothing. It was just a typical, average edition of Raw. It wasn’t bad, though. At least that’s a positive.
Thoughts from the Facebook friends aka CommentFest
Here are some random thoughts from some of my facebook friends (just head to Facebook.com/thejohnreport) after I asked for some comments about the show. I received nearly 500 of them this week, so hopefully the quality is still there. A small change for this is that I’ll put the quotes in green rather than in the quotation marks. My comments, which will usually be sarcastic, will follow in the brackets when necessary:
Is it required that if these guys get “injured” they have to come back with more tats? (Yes. It’s in their contracts.)
Orton doesn’t look right without the Title. Someone give him a kid’s spinner belt!
“Who’s crying now?” says Michael Cole…..for fucks sake, somebody slap him. (We can all dream can’t we?)
Wow, that was subtle Dave. I’ve seen pizza get delivered better than that post-beatdown promo.
What’s wrinklier: Bastista’s head when he’s yelling, or a shar-pei?
Damn she is so skinny. I gotta start doing yoga.
Trish Stratus= Greatest Ass of ALL TIME (Thanks for commenting John C…wait that wasn’t me, but it’s the truth!)
Is it wrong that my 2 yr old son is glued to the tv staring at Trish? (You should be a proud father!)
Orton and Cena in a Hell in Cell! And the crowd goes…mild.
So it’s Trish’s idea to have Cena vs. Orton in Hell in a Cell at the Hell in a Cell PPV. Right…
WTF? whats up with the belt stealing running rampant? Creative’s only way of building a fued? I think so.
Looks like Mickie’s chest is back to normal… (Thank you science!)
Mickie & Trish… John’s heaven!!! Apparently Lawler’s too!!! (Yes, but I’m funny. Unlike Lawler.)
“We would like to thank all our fans around the world for ordering the Breaking Point PPV…” Two things…one…who the hell actually ordered the PPV…two…I hate Michael Cole.
Um, Mickie. It was only 4 years ago, and you had a psycho crush. (And I was jealous…of both of them.)
The torch has been passed…mickie is hotter then trish…sorry john it’s true! (I’d like to perform a full body exam on each to decide for myself. Science, where are you now?)
I’m glad alicia fox won…because if she didn’t kanye would’ve came to the ring, stole the mic, and proclaimed alicia as the best female wrestler in the world ever…
What’s with this brewing bromance between phoenix and jericho?
Somebody take John’s pulse, I think he just over-dosed on the Trish closeup. (Still…phew…heavy breathing…sweating…here.)
Jericho, Stratus and Phoenix just gave us one of the best backstage segments in years.
Vince just show video instead of stills from the ppv…everyone streams it for free anyways.
Why is vince a cheap bastard?!? He probably buys the cheap toilet paper and has a rash…that’s why he’s always on edge…his bum is chap from cheap toilet paper… (Thanks for posting…um…Linda McMahon!)
VINTAGE VINTAGE VINTAGE
VINTAGE there it is!!!!!!!!!
“Vintage Michaels” at 10:08 PM. (See how dedicated Michael Cole’s fans are! They love him!)
Everyone do a shot!!! (Hey CM Punk, stop with the peer pressure!)
What the hell was with DiBiase’s right ear? It looked like Kwato from Total Recall coming out of his ear lobe.
Oh god..! The excitement is just starting..! Hornswoggle is out. (Vince McMahon, thanks for posting!)
Cole said classic chavo and not vintage! BEWARE!
More Rosa Mendes please. I know you’re reading this, Vince.
The pain in Chavo’s face…come wait tables with me, Chavo. It’s not a glamorous job, but you’ll get your pride back.
OMG…..CAN THIS BE TRUE? HE GIVES UP…… WE DONT HAVE TO SEE THAT SHIT ANYMORE???????????? NOOOOOOOOOO! I WANT MY CHAVOWAGGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Chavo’s a heel. They tend to lie. Don’t worry.)
Jeez, Cena sound like he’s giving an Obama speech!
For the first time in his time on RAW, I’m actually envious of the way MVP is booked. He can’t be that lucky so maybe next week he’ll team with hornswoggle.
The Kool-Aid Packet and The Sexy Chocolate Haired Hostess (MVP/Trish Stratus) vs The Sour Patch Kid and Vanilla Flavored Glamazon (Chris Jericho/Beth Phoenix). OMG I think I’m having a flavorgasm!
Part two of my last post. The Incredible Grape and The Kool-Aid Man was added to the match. I had a double flavorgasm and gained 10 pounds.
Just think it needs to be noted that it was Trish that brought beth in to the wwe in 2006 to feud with mickie james. Then beth broke her jaw in a match with victoria, which killed the feud before it began.
Go on Cole say it…Vintage…brilliant from the King.
Um unless John hasn’t by now he probably creamed himself after that Stratusfaction. (Thanks for your concern, Mickie. I still love you, don’t worry.)
Trish comes back and wrestles for one night and still gets much bigger pops than these divas that are out every week!
It’s only good if he’s in Barbershop character doing that speech he gives during the shave scene. Give that speech to the younger wrestlers, about learning and earning respect for your craft. (I agree!)
“Speaking of exploding” I’m sure he meant Batista’s quad / triceps / other muscle.
Oh he just got injured motioning for his pyro, he will be out for six months.
And that’s the end of that chapter. Get the hell off my TV, Batista! (His fans love him!)
Time 10:50pm u get a king/cole vintage, they must read your fb page John! (Hmmm, in that case I have something to say to them: You’re terrible. Tell the producers to have Lawler heel it up and for Cole to stop fucking laughing like he’s 12. Thanks. Oh, and fuck both of you for touching Mickie tonight. Lucky bastards.)
That’s it. I think ending it with a threat is a classy way to go out, don’t you? Good selection as always. Thanks for the participation.
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That’s it for this week. See you on Saturday most likely for the Talking Smack column (it might be Sunday again) and also for my weekly NFL picks at Sportsoratory.com, which should be posted early Friday. I am working on a fairly large WWE related column that should be done in about two weeks, maybe three. First week of October is the likely posting date. I won’t say what it is yet, but it’s pretty major and should generate a lot of discussion. Unlike other stuff I’ve said I would write this WILL get done especially since I’m about halfway through at this point.
Thanks for reading. Have a great week.
Smell ya later,
John Canton – oratoryjohn@gmail.com
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